Mothering Yourself: Lessons from Beyonce
I too, am a Beyoncé fan, how could I not be, we are both from Houston, Texas married to a New York Natives, and share the love of turning your artistry and the gifts you have to become all that you were created to be. More than all of these similarities we also share the statistic of being 1 in 4 women who has experienced child loss. Beyonce's candid story telling and transparency on her latest interview with Elle Canada, got me to thinking about mothering as more than an act but a space and journey we must all walk if we choose to become greater. She made me ask myself, "am I given myself the spaced to be mothered after loss?". I never knew that this would be a topic we would share in common or that the lessons of our life would diverge, but here we are so let's take notes on Mothering Yourself from the mother of all mothers herself, Beyoncé
Lesson 1: Own Your Legacy and Reclaim Your Narrative
"The more I mature, the more I understand my value.” (Beyoncé)
Knowing your value is more than a cliche term or an act of performing the progress and perfection markers for your life. Becoming a mother is not just a badge of honor but a transformative experience that matures you in ways that are indescribable. I have found that my maturity comes from the various experiences of life, and not just the experience itself but what I chose to do with that experience. I can review the scenes of my life where I hit rock bottom, thought everything was lost, and felt like I had no value at all. But guess what I made it through which doubled my value because I allowed that experience to mature me.
Some see motherhood as a means to your legacy and when you tie your legacy to what can physically be produced from your body in the form of humans you are limiting yourself. Reclaiming your narrative includes controlling your legacy and reshaping what this means for you. I wanted to reshape for myself what fertility means for me so I created my own Reproductive Narrative to reclaim my story. This power can begin with the words you say, what you write, and even in how you choose to respond. Take back your power to say no, maybe, and not right now because as you build your legacy it includes the thoughts and people you allow into your ethereal space and journey.
Lesson 2: Life Course by Ms. Pain
"I learned that all pain and loss is in fact a gift.” (Beyonce)
Perspective is everything! Let's be honest when you are going through the pain it doesn't feel good, or fair, or like God is redirecting your path for something greater. But we all have a choice to believe that what is purposed for your pain, may be purposed to push and elevate you to a space you wouldn't have arrived to otherwise. My pain of losing my child at 24 weeks gestation actually birthed something deeper inside of me, a community, Beauty for Ashes, for millennial angel mamas to laugh again, love again, and hope again. This came by choosing to believe and shift my perspective of pain into a gift that is actually my son and I's legacy.
Life is the stage where we take our lessons and God uses life to communicate various things to us. Shifting the atmosphere happens when God takes a detour, and the earthquake or peace comes, based on if you choose to surrender to what God is doing. Already plummeted into darkness and depression, I didn't pitch my tent in pain, I took the shovel and kept digging in myself deeper to understand and search for what God was trying to communicate to me in this season of loss. What I realized is that I was in the pit, but the soil was being turned for growth and the roots were being established for longevity and abundance.
"Most women have been conditioned to ignore symptoms and just “tough it out” and focus on taking care of everyone else before themselves. I am no longer one of those people. After having a difficult pregnancy, I took a year to focus on my health.” - (Beyoncé)
Lesson 3: Listen to your Body
We have been conditioned to give of ourselves endlessly. We grew up watching our mothers, grandmothers, and sisters take the brunt of everything, be the glue for your family, pick up and figure it out by any means necessary. Although these are all commendable, it is okay to let family and everyone else know I am strong but I am NOT built to be Ford tough! Coming home in a wheelchair without a child in my arms forced me to learn the lesson of listening to my body. I had to take the time to align my body and spirit and let it navigate me. I couldn't rush my physical or spiritual healing because all of it was in fact broken. I had to lick my own wounds and trust that my family would understand, and thankfully they have allowed me that space.
A large portion of my healing and learning to listen to my body was finding self-care routines and shifting to a self-care lifestyle in my thinking, eating, living, and speaking. I began to do the research around fertility, I took the leap to begin fertility testing, I spoke up to my OBGYN when I felt uncomfortable or didn't fully understand anything. I had to find out what works for me and be bold to say what wasn't working for me. I tried everything, meditation, visualization, and breathing, until I found my thing.
Whether you are planning to have a title of mother, preparing to just become the best version of you, or learning how to be a mother, I encourage you to learn how to mother yourself first.
Trading Ashes Reflections:
How can you reclaim your narrative? What do you believe God is communicating to you in this season?What self-care practice will you indulge in as a routine?
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